Armand: Shouldn't you be holding the crucifix? It is THE prop for martyrs!
Armand: Al, you old son of a bitch! How ya doin'? How do you feel about that call today? I mean the Dolphins! Fourth-and-three play on their 30 yard line with only 34 seconds to go!
Albert: How do you think I feel? Betrayed, bewildered... wrong response?
Armand(puzzled): I don't know.
Celsius: Chewing gum helps me think.
Albert: Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!
Armand: You do an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse Fosse Fosse Fosse Fosse! You do Martha Graham Martha Graham Martha Graham, or Twyla Twyla Twyla, or Michael Kidde Michael Kidde Michael Kidde Michael Kidde, or Madonna Madonna Madonna Madonna... but you keep it all inside.
Albert: You know, I used to feel that way too until I found out that Alexander the Great was a fag. Talk about gays in the military!
Armand: So this is Hell. And there's a crucifix in it.
Senator Keeley: People in this country aren't interested in details. They only trust headlines.
Albert: Whatever I am, he made me! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at me! I'm this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged THING!
Armand: I made you short?
Albert: AAARRRGGGHHH !
Albert: "You look tired" means "you look old." And "you look rested" means "you've had collagen."
Agador: When are you gonna let me audition for your show?
Armand: When you have talent.
Albert: Don't give me that tone!
Armand: What tone?
Albert: That sly contemptous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman.
Armand: You're not a woman.
Albert: Oh, you bastard!
Armand: It's like riding a psychotic horse toward a burning stable.
Armand: You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian.
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